MUSLIMS: Sunni? Yep. Shia? Big time. Hindu? Probably.
At approximately 3AM this morning, while chasing down leads on a deep web knowledge dock known as wikipedia, I came across disturbing intel regarding the development of what maybe a new type of Muslim super soldier: the Hindu.
Every patriot knows that Muslims are divided into separate groups based on their different strengths. Sunnis are known for their knowledge of elixirs and potions, while the Shia are known for their stealth and lockpicking ability. But what about Hindus?
WHAT DO WE KNOW?
As always, very little.
The development of the Hindu is almost certainly very recent, and while there is nothing concrete linking them to the Muslim world yet, I invite real patriots to read between the lines.
Let me break it down for you.
The Muslim ban has been extremely successful in that it has been profoundly insulting, inflammatory and provocative to the Muslim world. That’s obviously all great, but we must be wary of any potential workarounds.
Has President Trump ever uttered the word Hindu? NO
So THEY are still able to enter our airspace — and just because I can’t prove they’re using magic carpets to do so doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous. This WHOLE THING is a workaround, folks!
The deeper I dug, the more sinister things became. Perhaps the most disturbing revelation is that it the Hindu seems to have sort of shape shifting ability. Either that or they have MechWarrior technology that goes far beyond anything I’ve ever seen. Pick your poison.
I guarantee you will have to fight an eight armed floating elephant at some point in the next six months.
WHERE ARE THEY?
According to unclassified documents, “most notably in India.” My fellow historians and cartographers will know how little that actually tells us. India is famously difficult to find, even for history’s most clear-eyed visionaries.
Essentially, we have no idea.
Be ready, gentlemen.