Here’s a head-scratcher: I agree as much as the next guy that all millennials are little weaklings that need to put in their place but if that’s true, why is it that my millennial son can so easily overpower me?
Some things happened this past week that got me thinking. I don’t want to get into the details too much here. Let’s say I had a couple Pabsts and decided to see what my proto-cuck of a son Jeff was up to. I knocked on his door, trying not to make eye contact with the life-sized wolf boy poster facing me. When there was no answer I kinda pushed the door open as far as it’d go and what I saw shocked me.
Now, I get that you need to give kids their space. Jeff’s 16 now. He knows about the birds and the bees, and that should he try to have sex with either the globalists will come for him. On his laptop I saw that he was watching some of that real corporate porn, which is a big no no. “If it comes from a studio, you’re getting subliminal messages” is our family’s saying.
Anyway, I take his computer from him, cuz you gotta crack it in half before the international bankers put their worms and spiders in it. Jeff started whining, “I bought that with my own money” and “You’re ripping this family apart” and like, “I don’t know you anymore” and all that shit. I figure, whatever, this kid’s a millennial, I can take him.
Turns out, the boy had some fight in him. Really hit me with an elbow as he wrenched his computer back. This kid, whose twitter is nothing but cat photos and recipe videos, socked me in the goddamn jaw. As my feet left the ground and my head made contact with the wall, I couldn’t help but think, “Isn’t this the same kid who started a Gofundme to buy Mountain Goats tickets?”
Let me know in the comments though how you think this happened. I thought my boy would be too limp-wristed and delicate to do much, but he laid me the fuck out. WHAT’S GOING ON?
Is my son a future Oedipus?