Radical Islam strikes again! For the last week, I’ve been the victim of Jihadi sorcery: I used my CHRISTIAN GOD-GIVEN right to FREE SPEECH to burn a Koran on my carport and ever since that day, I’ve had that damn “Desert Rose” song stuck in my head.
You all know the song I’m talking about. That tune from CELEBRITY MUSLIM Sting, frontman for the worst band of all time—THE POLICE. The man who talks about having sex for NINE HOURS because of his “Tantra”. Let’s get one thing straight, America- if Jesus wanted us to have sex for nine hours, we wouldn’t need to use ISLAMIC SEX VOODOO to make that happen!
I’ve been CURSED by that FALSE GOD ALLAH. All because I found a Koran in my neighborhood’s Tiny Free Library. Right there out on the street, where kids could just pick it up. Like a hand grenade for the soul. I burned it for the GOOD of my COMMUNITY, and now I have to hear Sting moan “I dream of raaaaaain” in my head 24-7!
He’s in my dreams, too! He’s usually not wearing a shirt, like in that movie where he’s having a knife fight in Space Saudi Arabia, and I wake up feeling STRANGE. And when I go to the store, guess what song is playing on the loudspeaker at Dick’s Sporting Goods? And at the drive-through to Carl Jr’s? And on the radio in my truck?
DESERT ROSE. EVERYWHERE. CONSTANTLY. Sting singing about horses that will never tire and secret promises. SINGING ABOUT THE DESERT, WHERE ISLAM IS FROM.
I’ve been cursed by Sting before. I broke up with this WICCAN CHICK in college who HEXED me and for six months I couldn’t hear anything but “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.” Every CD I owned turned into copies of “Regatta de Blanc” overnight. I could only make the pain stop by EXORCISING the Sting Demon by going to an Amy Grant concert.
I will pluck this DESERT ROSE out of my head like THE WEED IT IS. I’ve got Jars of Clay albums on my playlist, and I dug my FUCK THE POLICE shirt out of my closet. You won’t stand so close to me anymore, Sting. Everybody hates you. Even Libtards! I’ve lost count over how many of them have high-fived me since I started wearing this shirt.