All I wanted to do was find a way to remove a LEGENDARY LIEBRAL from office. I knew I would succeed. I didn’t know I’d fall in love.
Everyone knows that Democrats are IMMORAL and DEPRAVED sluts who can’t help but fornicate with anything that has armpit hair and has a women’s studies degree from Berkeley, especially Anthony Weiner.
His SMOOTH stomach, his MANLY hands, his very JEWY face. They were all built to sexually SIN anything that came across his path.
And I set up the perfect bait to take him down.
I created fifteen different fake female accounts online and courted Weiner day and night. We talked about our favorite TV shows, our dreams and deepest secrets. Soon, I didn’t know where the fake profiles ended and I began. How could I fall for a man who stood for everything I despise most in this world?
I have to admit the forbiddenness of it all made this patriot’s missile stand to attention like I was singing the National Anthem at a baseball game. More times then I can count. But was it the justice I was serving to a SOCIALIST COMMUNIST SICKO? Or was it the fact that Anthony is the only person to listen to me tell the story of my childhood without judgement?
As I googled pictures of random women’s bodies to send Weiner’s way so he would in return send me perfectly sculpted penis monsters yearning to break free of his cotton underwear prison, I realized I didn’t want him to send these photos to any of the fifteen buxom ladies I created with the sole purpose of torpedoing his political career.
I wanted him to send them to me. Who knew that Carlos Danger would be Carlos Dangerous for my heart?
But our love was never meant to be. Two star crossed lovers from opposite ends of the political aisle—one a brilliant handsome Congressman with a passion for social justice, the other an alt-right Alex Jones supplement-eating super Man set to ruin his career. I chose to end him.
Plus, he might not have known it but he was sending his dick to a MAN which is GAY and that’s ANOTHER SIN. GROSS.
THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T TRUST LIBERAL HEATHENS.