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I’ve logged over 20,000 hours in Call Of Duty — Here’s how we get Assad

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It goes without saying that Call Of Duty is the most realistic form of combat simulation to ever exist, so my 20,000 plus hours of gameplay make me one of America’s leading tactical minds when it comes to modern warfare.

If we’re gonna orchestrate yet another seamless regime change in the Middle East, this time in Syria, it’s gonna go down like this:

STEP ONE: 
A select unit of special operators HALO drops into the hills on the outskirts of Damascus. This team should obviously be led by me but could include some top soldiers such as OpTic Crimsix, xX_SnIp3rpuSSsY_Xx, and Chris Kyle’s widow.

STEP TWO:
The sniper team takes position 10 miles south of the capitol building. As I’ve earned the moniker “The Pope of Scope” on several forums because of my sick Kill-Death Ratio, I’d be happy to offer my services for the sniper position. But if it’s not gonna be me, it should probably be Chris Kyle’s widow.

STEP THREE:
The rest of the unit deploys landmines and takes up defensive positions. I encourage camping as the stakes are incredibly high. This is when we try to figure out where the enemy Syrians are spawning—or “coming from” for those of you newbs who don’t know anything about the war.

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STEP FOUR:
I, or Chris Kyle’s widow, headshot Assad from 10 miles away, through his office window with a NO SCOPE for extreme accuracy and style points.

STEP FIVE:
At this point, the Syrian army will undoubtedly send everything they have towards our location. Our mines will disable their vehicles. Foot soldiers will be easy to handle with our highly upgraded weapons.

It’s highly likely that we’ll earn the ability to drop a nuke if anyone in the unit manages to get 25 kills before dying. This is the best option because it allows for a new democracy to grow out of literally nothing but dirt. This option is also attractive because being vaporized by one of Uncle Sam’s very own nuclear warheads is the most valorous death possible and I know for certain that anyone qualified to be deployed on such a high stakes operation would kill for an opportunity to get nuked in this manner. Plus, if anyone should get to TEABAG Assad’s face, it should definitely be my boy xX_SnIp3rpuSSsY_Xx.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

For more information about MY EXTREME MILITARY SKILLS, follow on Facebook at Lizard People of NY or Twitter @realTruthBang.






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