I can’t do it. I can’t sit here and pretend that Kermit The Frog isn’t trying to gaywash our children! Open your ears and LISTEN, America: HE’S SINGING ABOUT FUCKING RAINBOWS!
Don’t believe me yet? Ask yourself this – what kind of red-blooded frog could resist the advances of a thick chick like Miss Piggy? It’d be one thing if Kermit was denying her WANTON SWINE SEXUALITY because he didn’t want his boys to see him with a fat chick, but do we ever see him invite Miss Piggy to his lily pad for some late night FROGGING? Nope. She’s practically begging for his tadpoles, but Kermit keeps turning her down. No straight mammal, avian, reptile, or dinosaur would turn down a pig with eyelashes like THAT who’s got an ass that won’t quit.
Don’t tell me he’s saying no because he doesn’t want to engage in interspecies sex, LIBTARDS, because that’s just plain un-American. We Americans have crossbred with different species throughout history: Neanderthals, Morks, Gray Aliens, Reptilians, Canadians. No true AMERICAN MALE is going to pass up a little strange because they’re not the same species. GROW UP, LIBERALS. Shame on you for putting boundaries on hot exotic action.
It’s not just the fact that he doesn’t sleep with Miss Piggy that proves he’s a gay propagandist trying to turn our children into same sexers. Think about this: what does this felted green homosexual amphibian do all day long? PLAY THE BANJO. The banjo. The banjo is an instrument that IS only played by people who love butt stuff. Check the facts, people! The men in “Deliverance”, the Dixie Chicks, Steve Martin—they’ve all got SODOMY FEVER!
Kermit doesn’t have a job, which also makes him a LAZY FREE RIDING COMMIE. What does he know about how hard it is to be green? HE NEVER MAKES ANY OF IT. Why don’t you get a proper job, you ribbiting son of a bitch, and stop trying to sell alternative lifestyles to the youth of America?
Now, Gonzo: THERE’S a guy who’s not afraid to fuck a chicken like a REAL AMERICAN.