You thought #PizzaGate was bad? What about the government putting chemicals in the water to turn the frogs gay? WELL IT TURNS OUT THEY’RE CONNECTED.
I have a sizable bog on my property that I use to practice my survivalist techniques and tactical maneuvering for the day the war on Christmas turns violent. Well I was out hip-deep in the muck when I noticed a coupla American bullfrogs I’d never noticed before. CERTAINLY WEREN’T ANY OF MY FROGS.
You see, I plan to train a race of watchfrogs, in the event of a globalist invasion. But all my frogs are tadpoles, and these interlopers were doing things I certainly didn’t want any of my PRECIOUS FROG CHILDREN to see.
So I did what any sensible man would do: I followed these deviant frogs of bitches back to whatever hole they came from and the things I saw TURNED MY STOMACH. Right in the middle of the woods at the back end of MY PROPERTY, there was a TEENY TINY FROG-SIZED PIZZA SHOP.
I’m not a crass man, I’m not mean, but by God, the things they were doing with those tadpoles was DAMN disgusting. I ran back home as fast as I could, but it was too late, those froggets turned my tadpoles gayer than a five dollar bill (do an alta-vista search for “Abraham Lincoln sex pervert” and you’ll know what I mean).
So now my tadpoles won’t grow up to be the strong watchfrogs I need them to be. The pervert sodomite croakalists will not relent. THEY CAME FOR THE TADPOLES AND I SAY NOT TODAY! I’m burning my bog to the GROUND before I let my tadpoles grow up to be the kind of PC-culture, safe space-loving, frog-sucking LEFTISTS that the coastal elites tell them they need to be!