hacked: the russian government broke my caps lock key to silence me

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well, it’s finally happened: russians have hacked into my computer keyboard and broke my caps lock key, all while i was cleaning up some spilled mountain dew at my desk.

deep down i think i always knew this time would come, but i had hoped i would have prepared better.

you don’t have to be a dedicated independent researcher to have seen the signs: the annexation of crimea, the stuxnet virus, the secret subservient sex cult of which both mr putin and mr trump are members, among many other things (more on that later).

they say that no one can hear you scream in space but now no one can even hear me scream on the internet.

while trying to explain all this to fellow commenters on what has increasingly become a liberal rag, brietbart, i found the need to really elevate the truth. to stand out. to stand up to the cabal of media elite and their cronies in washington and minnesota (more on that later). But when i went to crank it up a level, to really get to truthbomb — or truthbang — volume i found my voice silenced. my dissent crushed.

wait a sec, did you see that? How come that one “b” is capPED WAIT A SECOND WHATS GOING ON EHRE. THEY’RE ONTO ME FOLKS, THIS IS A WARNING SHOT. I’M

I’M WORKING ON –

IT WON’T TURN OFF NOW. PUTIN HAS GONE NUCLEAR. HE KNOWS I’M BLOWING THE WHISTLE ON THEIR WHOLE SCHEME TO OPPRESS THE MOST VULNERABLE AMONG US: PEOPLE WHO DO THEIR OWN RESEARCH.

THESE THINGS DON’T HAPPEN IN RUSSIA WITHOUT APPROVAL FROM THE HIGHLEST LEVELS.

I’M INITIATING CODE RED. I’M WIPING TRUTHBANG HARDDRIVES, DESTROYING MY COMPUTER. IF YOU DON’T HEAR FROM ME THEN THEY HAVE WON. SHARE THIS STORY. THIS TRUTH NEEDS TO GO VIRAL. I AM NOT FEELING SUICIDAL (MORE ON THAT LATER). IF I DISAPPEAR MYSTERIOUSLY, SOMEONE PLEASE TRANSFER MY VOAT USER ACCOUNT TO MY LITTLE BROTHER.

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