Starbucks Coffee Sizes Now In Mexican??

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It’s happening folks: our once beloved American export Starbucks is now catering to the immigrant population by offering beverage sizes predominantly in the Mexican language, “Mexican.”  

Now, you will never find me inside the globalist machine that is Starbucks, as I hold a firm belief that coffee and teas are a neutering agent meant to murder our sperm. That being said, I recently found myself at the coffee cabal to do my weekly rounds of corporation monitoring when something extremely sinister caught my eye – a detail that only someone as competent as myself could unveil – 99% of the coffee sizes were NOT advertised in English.  

What’s next – you’re going to tell me coffee is NOT from America?!

Let’s break it down. The only beverage size I was able to comprehend on the menu was the smallest size – how convenient.  Clearly Starbucks is attempting to portray American culture (i.e. America First) as small and weak, a notion all globalists and the ice cube-hating Europeans share.


Starbucks even had a physical diorama display of the cup sizes to visually brainwash their patrons.  The “Tall” (rhymes with small) is dwarfed in size to the ever-looming “Grande,” “Venti,” and “Trenta.”  I can only assume these Mexican words translate to “Communism,” “Islam,” and “Nice try America, but we’re taking over.”  This is a sneaky subliminal tactic that will slowly castrate Starbucks customers into submission.

Whatever happened to NORMAL drink sizes, like small, medium, large, and Big Gulp?!

Now, I am not an emotional man, but my eyes welled up with American pride when I stood up and proudly ordered a MEDIUM.  The puzzled barista attempted to correct me, but I held my ground, and shouted back “No, I want a MEDIUM dammit.”  He then immediately cucked to my American fortitude and said “sure whatever.”  And that, my friends, is how we take our country back.  

Although we are in the minority, Truth Bangers, I demand that when we find ourselves in the festering caffeine-addicted hell-hole that is Starbucks, we hold on to our evaporating American language and proudly order in English, not Mexican.  

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