Look in the sky— it’s a bird, it’s a plane, NO: It’s a Chemtrail and we’re all going to die.
Sorry to sound the alarm but it’s time to WAKE UP AMERICA. Chemtrails are very real and they are getting very personal, apparently.
Let me get this straight: I am straight as a whistle. A whistle that loves vagina.
If you’ve been following my blog, you know I’m no stranger to Chemtrails— the streams of gas that the GOVERNMENT is pumping out of crop dusters, planes, and drones to make us die (probably) and gay (certainly). They used to come out of NASA’s space shuttles but fortunately electing Donald Trump got us out of that boondoggle.
However, my most recent Chemtrail citing was also the most insidious. As a well-known truth teller, I have been targeted by countless government conspiracies. Don’t get me started on all those ‘targeted’ ads for gay dating sites— get your target off me, HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA.
EVERYONE ACCIDENTALLY CLICKS ON GAY PORN LINKS BY ACCIDENT.
Anyway, further PROOF of my staunch heterosexuality comes from the GOVERNMENT’s (my guess is it’s the OBAMA government) latest personal attack on me using Chemtrails. Sure enough, right there in the sky it read “Lisa, will you marry me?”
Let me make this perfectly clear: I AM NOT LISA.
I know your tricks GOVERNMENT. You think you can write a few words in the sky and I’ll slip into a deeply rooted fantasy where I become a beautiful, full bodied woman named Lisa, and despite years of struggles with my love life I finally found a man— a strong but sensitive man— to take care of me? To hold me and comfort me through long nights where I can only find solace through his loving embrace?
Well guess what GOVERNMENT— I’m not falling for it. Even if you have that man show up at my door tomorrow with a bottle of wine and my favorite movie (Brokeback Mountain: because there is nothing more manly than COWBOYS). I’ll be home. Just try me.
Update: I saw another Chemtrail today. Apparently they’re being hidden in CLOUDS. My neighbor thought it looked like a duck. I think it looks more like OBAMAS KENYAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE. #malikobama2024