Today is another dark day for FREEDOM, fellow patriots: I just went to get a physical and my OBAMACARE doctor tried prescribing me a pack of lies!
Telling me I need to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure if I wanted to live to see 50—how does he know what good cholesterol is, when he DOESN’T EAT MEAT?
That’s not even the worst part. When I exercised MY RIGHT to ask him to give me my Midichlorian count, this IVORY TOWER CUCK stone-walled me! This piece of East Coast trash lied to my face, telling me there’s “no such thing” as Midichlorians.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS TRAVESTY?!
I’m on to him, and I’m on to the rest of you OBAMA CARE DEATH PANELISTS. You just don’t want a red-blooded ALPHA AMERICAN MALE like me to achieve my full psychic potential. I’ve seen “The Phantom Menace”, the best Star Wars movie, the one where George Lucas bravely revealed to the American People the truth that you’ve been SUPPRESSING all this time: you CAN measure psychic power with Midichlorians.
No wonder George got crucified for making that movie—you had to MAKE HIM PAY for BLOWING IT ALL WIDE OPEN, didn’t you? THE LEFTWING LIBCUCK MEDIA SILENCED GEORGE LUCAS FOR EXPOSING THE TRUTH.
I know I’m just BRIMMING with Midichlorians. I can feel them swimming around inside me, zapping me with their psychic juices. I know liberals like Obama have high midichlorian counts: he can blow up buildings, bend TRUTHS, and maybe even make his “birth certificate” DISAPPEAR. If David Copperfield could make the Statue of Liberty vanish with his COMMIE Midichlorians, just imagine what my PATRIOTIC ones could do.
As God is my witness, I WILL find out my Midichlorian count. And once I do, I’ll be doing sweet-ass back flips and choking liberal BETA MALES with my KUNG-FU FORCE GRIP and Daisy Ridley will FINALLY answer my love letters.