LIEberals have been LAMBASTING President Donald J. Trump for claiming that he was being secretly wiretapped but I have uncovered TRUTH: HUNDREDS OF HOURS of business affairs were being taped secretly on something called “NBC.”
Our country has claimed losing its innocence many times over the years— watching JFK’s assassination or the experiencing the Watergate scandal, and countless other examples caused by OBAMA. But this was the straw that broke this BALD EAGLE’s back.
Our God Emperor Donald Trump was taped ILLEGALLY for OVER A DECADE.
As far back as January of 2004, Mr. Trump’s kabillion dollar business dynasty has been unknowingly taped. Interesting isn’t it? How shortly after the first round of tapes were released, revealing Trump’s personal business secrets and employee relation methods on tapes that ran for roughly 15 hours minus commercials, a little known KENYAN— whose name I’ll let you figure out for yourselves— gave a well-received speech at the DEMON-cratic NATIONAL(ist) CON-ven-SHUN.
Give up? I’ll give you a clue: his name rhymes with INEFFICIENT HEALTH CARE PLAN.
Fortunately, Mr. Trump was unharmed by his business secrets getting leaked to the public. Because the Donald is always THOUSANDS OF STEPS ahead of the competition. Everyone remembers how other companies tried to copy Mr. Trump when they threw out standard corporate policy and based hiring and firing decisions on who could sell the most lemonaide or who had the sassiest remarks at elimination. And one would think that public, theatrical firings of mid-level workers would not be a good use of the CEO’s time, but these mid-2000’s Trump Tower tapes proved otherwise.
But like I said, Mr. Trump is always ahead. They zig— you zag, That’s what Mr. Trump or my high school gym teacher always said. So when other companies stole his ingenious model of hiring a new apprentice every year, BOOM— Trump exclusively hired celebrities. FUCKING BRILLIANT.
Seriously, if Poison’s Bret Michaels isn’t qualified to run a fortune 500 company, I don’t know who is. Vince Neil, maybe.