I TRIED FOLLOWING THE MONEY But Lost Track Once They Put It In The Vault

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The BEST independent researchers always say: FOLLOW THE MONEY but sometimes the money gets away BEFORE YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO KEEP STALKING IT.

On a recent trip to WalMart I spied something odd: a bunch of young LIBTARDS with money on them which I know couldn’t have come from a job because they were wearing Bernie Sanders shirts. So I FOLLOWED THE MONEY to better understand who was bankrolling these traitors and how it was probably George Soros.

As I stealthly followed them through the store, I must say I was disgusted by a lot of the merch that I saw on those shelves. Dora the Explorer dolls, West Wing box sets, blue hair dye, plus-sized women’s swimsuits… It’s already been a couple of months since Trump’s inauguration and I thought that all of this SJW culture would be gone by now. Unfortunately, America still isn’t great again.

It wasn’t until I stumbled into the Barbie doll aisle when my head really started to spin. Some of the Barbie’s weren’t white. I have nothing against black people but Barbie has and will always be white. If liberals care about consent so much, why did nobody ask for my consent to change Barbie’s race? Cause guess what, I wouldn’t have given it. Progressives are the most hypocritical people on the planet.


After crying about the sad state of this country, I realized I lost track of those kids and that they had already passed off their Soros Bucks to Wal-Mart. I was stumped. Then I remembered what you should always do in situations like this — FOLLOW THE MONEY.

WalMart’s camping supplies were stocked near the cash registers, so I hid out in a tent and waited for one of those armed transporters to come pick up the store’s cash.

After a few hours (and a few close calls with Wal-Mart security) the armored car showed up outside, and I managed to sneak out to my camouflage Hummer while the transporter filled her money bags. Then as soon as she was done, it was off to Soros HQ… with me hot on the trail and completely hidden from view.

I stealthily followed the armored car for about five miles before we reached a mysterious building in the outskirts of town. I couldn’t follow the armored car through the front gate, which was heavily locked down. So I parked on the side of the road and tried to follow the courier with my binoculars. I was determined to get to the bottom of this!

Unfortunately, as soon as I saw the armored car park in front of the building where Soros probably keeps his money vault, security found me and ordered me to leave. I tried to perform a citizen’s arrest on these traitors to our country but they had outnumbered me and I was pretty tired after a poor night of sleeping in that tent.

I wanted to try and Snapchat Soros holding all the money and laughing maniacally or something, but his security detail was just too sophisticated and I couldn’t get a clean shot. You win this round, globalists!

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